


Rabbithole

by IstTyrr



Category: Andromeda Six (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25179385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IstTyrr/pseuds/IstTyrr
Summary: A re-imagining of Vexx's interrogation scene aboard the A6, in three chapters. Aimed at exploring the reunion of two people in the aftermath of betrayal, assuming they had been together for more than year and better reflecting the personality and choices of my own Traveler.
Relationships: Vexx Serif/Traveler
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	1. Alice

_Don’t, don't, don’t forget me  
Don’t forget the thrills we lived through  
Don’t, don't, don’t forget those  
__corridors and mazes and your visage shone brightly  
  
Don’t, don’t, don’t let go  
__All those dreams, tonight do not conceal  
__You are lost and yet again you reappear  
__Don’t dare tell me that this is not our time  
  
I want you to remember everything you dreamt of  
I want you to remember everything you dreamt of  
**~Katachnia  
  
**_  
Her eyes are shut when she steps into the now familiar storeroom that confines Vexx, abruptly stopping in her tracks just after the threshold. It _had_ to be here of all places. The door, hissing shut, acts as an unspoken permission to let go of a breath; one she hadn't quite realised she was holding. Locked inside with _a mortal enemy_ , she should be feeling dread. Instead, her senses are flooded with relief, with _quiet_. A strange feeling of calm washes over her, like liquid coolant being poured into her veins and all fury from a moment ago, dissolves. Setrah almost laughs at herself, the irony of how, bound to this place with Vexx, things are starting to make more sense. All the anger, the hurt and grief were now sealed outside this door. And here, for a little while, there's safety and peace.  
  
When it happens, she doesn’t fight it, slumping down to the floor, head leaned back against the cool metal panel that serves to comfort her burning headache. Vexx does not stir in her presence, he doesn't even turn to regard her. There is a vacant expression on his face, telling he barely registers any of his surroundings. For a while, Setrah simply studies him. Her first instinct, to ask how he’s feeling, is met with a response that confirms her fear; a fear that up until now had only been suspicion and traces. He is slowly, steadily, going insane.  
  
The _emptiness_ hits her full force. All she could think of these past few weeks, had been _revenge_. She would dream of this moment; the moment when she finally confronted him, cornered him somewhere he couldn’t escape, then made him tell her exactly what had happened. Before stabbing him to death with the only knife she owned. For herself. For Nerissa. Setrah picked at the scab in the crook of her hand, between her thumb and forefinger, a testament to the practice she had put to that effect, spurred on by pure rage in lack of any skill or finesse. She wiped the blood that seeped on her shirt, forgetting about it.  
  
Gazing now upon Vexx, reduced to a husk of his former self, she no longer saw the monster that had a hand in the murder of her family. Instead, she saw the man. The man she once knew. The man she loved. The man that, despite everything he’s done, had loved her back. It is so profound a truth, that it steals her breath away, despite the _guilt_ that hits her shortly after. It shines like a diamond in the dark, untarnished, despite every effort put to that effect. Everything else had been a lie, yes, except this love. Realisation dawns on her, that any doubt she had of it, dissipated after their encounter on Teranium.  
  
She too felt _hollow_. Not torn apart and eaten alive from the inside, like Vexx had been. But _shattered_ into tiny little pieces, with no reflection or identity. And what was growing from the wound in its place, too new yet and too fragile to be given any form or name. Everything about her insides hurt. Some of it, she wanted to cut out herself but found no means to. Drowned in sorrow, her mind searched amidst the wreckage for something solid to hold on to and found purchase. _Calderon_. Not in the gruff and self-controlled exterior he wore. But in how sensitive and vulnerable he was, yet at the same time, _brave_. A pillar of a man, in stark contrast with any other example she had so far in her life. The fateful night the world came crashing down upon her in waves of memory, revelation and betrayal, he had been there to ground her, remind her what was important, steel her to fight. His soft, steady gaze stared back reassuringly from her mind’s eye. And just like that, she knew what she had to do.


	2. Mad Hatter

"You should have shot me when you had the chance."  
  
The finality in his voice, startles her in the silence of the room. Despite herself, Setrah can't stop the bitter chuckle that escapes her. A sad smile carves her lips and she nods in contemplation to that, steeling herself to face the man who betrayed everything she held dear. Only to find him staring back at her for the first time since she stepped inside.  
  
“I know you want to die, Vexx. I know you can’t stand living with yourself anymore. But I’m not going to let that happen." Setrah shook her head from side to side with grim resolution. "I won't let you take the easy way out. You will go through this with me, _old friend_. We will start from the beginning. You will answer all my questions. You will help us defeat Zovack, one way or the other. And if by the end of it you've made your penance, so be it." Sitting up a little, she hugged her knees loosely and pierced him with a gaze. "This thing has only just began, for _both_ of us.”  
  
His laughter, unhinged, grated her ears as it rang in the closed space, the change in his demeanour so abrupt, she felt her whole body tensing. Vexx looked back at her from a visage so twisted in a grin, she barely recognised him.  
  
“Is _that_ what you hope for? Let’s give it a try then, shall we, _your Highness_? See where it leads. Ask your questions and I will do my best to oblige." He bent in a mocking half-bow, that cruel stare pinned on her all the while.  
  
Setrah would have clapped at his performance, if worry hadn't shot up from the pit of her stomach to her throat. She gulped it down quickly, brow knitting as he eyes raked over him with disdain.  
"Why are you doing this? Why are you _gloating_? Acting like we were just a hoax, trying to cheapen it and humiliate me in front of the others. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Another short laugh is pushed from his chest, this time bordering on hysteric, the crooked smirk on his face, a clear sign he enjoyed getting a rise out of her.  
“An _act_? Is that what you think this is?" His face contorts with spite so suddenly, it has his words coming out through gritted teeth. "It's all about you, isn't it? Everything's always been about you. Anything to satisfy your overgrown ego.”  
  
Eyebrows furrowed, she bristled, jumping to her feet without even thinking. Her hurried steps closing the distance between them with deliberation. Stopping in her tracks just short of his outstretched legs, her look nevertheless cutting as she stared him down. Vexx didn't even bother moving, eyes fixed on her visage, mouth stretching into a self-satisfied smile that drank in her reaction.  
  
"What _is_ it exactly?", she spat out with clipped fury. "Is it _me_ you’re trying to convince or _yourself_? Does it ease the _guilt,_ to believe that hurting me has been your plan all along?”  
  
A ripple of emotion passed over his features, muddling away the harshness that was etched there a moment ago. But just as quickly, it dissipated, to resume that slow grin that sized her up with hungry amusement. Vexx rolled his tongue behind his teeth as he watched her fume in place, eyes lingering on her fists, clenching by her sides, the tightening of her jaw and her burning stare.  
"Look at you. All worked up and ready to fight. Tired of others sorting your problems or did you just find new bodies to push to the front and take the hit? Is that why you weren't scared to step in here with me? Then again, maybe you simply are just that stupid," his mocking was wiped out as he glared at her darkly. "Or maybe you think your little sly tricks still work on me."  
  
Setrah seethed, gills flared a she curled her hands tighter, a retort at the ready like the flash of a razor blade. But something in the back of her mind stalled her and she caged it instead with her tongue against the back of her teeth. No, she wouldn't take the bait this time. This is what he wanted, to distract her from the real matter at hand. Exhaling sharply, her eyes turned hard as steel.

"Stop it, Vexx. I know this has nothing to do with me. You are a tool, don't you see that by now? I don't even need to know all the details to realise what happened. This is what Zovack does. He finds those who have either lost everything or have nothing left to lose and gives them purpose. A purpose that serves his plans. Did he make you believe yourself some kind of hero? Doing your part to rid Seleota of the Peg’asi tyranny? If you thought my father ruthless, Zovack's worse! But don't take my word. You saw it yourself in Teranium and on Cursa. Do you still think he's the liberator he promised?"  
  
His gaze was trained on her now, icy and hateful with something she only caught glimpses of so far. Even through a face void of any feeling, Setrah knew she had its attention fully. Vexx blinked sharply as if to shake a sharp pain behind his eyelids, mouth twitching through lips pressed in a thin line. Unconsciously, she took a step forward, halfway due to that foolhardy, inquisitive feeling to discover what was going on and halfway out of a need to press on.

"Have more patrols been sent after us? Are we being followed?" In the beat that follows, her desperation creeps into her voice. " _Tell_ me what I need to know. _Help us_. Don't you see this a chance to redeem yourself?"

His dry laugh is pushed through with effort, at once both uncaring and defeated as it snapped him out of his trance, in a way that made her blood almost freeze in her veins.

"Redeem myself? Do you even hear what you're saying? Do you even believe it?" His brow raised, letting the words sink in. "And what comes after that, huh? Do we _ride_ off into the sunset like nothing happened? It doesn't work that way. Not in _real_ life."  
Vexx averted his gaze, carrying on as if her question never happened, a sinister edge clearing away the sadness of his smile.  
"I got to give it to you, though. You surprised me." His eyes narrow for just a second. "You turned that knife on me, Setrah. Not that you stood a chance but still, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

"You didn't, really?" She cocked her head to the side in challenge, eyes chasing his and locking like a vice. "All the ways I showed you how to escape the palace? I crawled with you through every dusty corner of those tunnels. Every pointless risk you took and I was standing by your side, ready to elope at any given moment. Does _that_ jog your memory?"  
  
"My _memory_? Oh that's precious. It's _you_ who so conveniently forgot to mention me to your new... _friends_."  
  
It's this feeling of helplessness that has her barking a frustrated laugh, smothered in turn by her dry scowl.  
"Should I have told them which way we liked to fuck? Would _that_ make you happy? I told them what they needed to know, I warned them. You were sniffing out their trail, hunting them like animals. You think I would let that happen? Not a chance. And when you told me to steer away from them, it was never more clear to me what I needed to do; that I'd _stay_."

He laughs, shallow and uncharacteristically hearty before it's cut short, his features contorting with pain and he grits his teeth through it. Its only a second before he lets his head fall back against the wall and chuckles, the smile that takes its place almost wistful.  
“Always so predictable, Seth. Doing the opposite of what you’re supposed to. That’s what made it all so easy.”  
  
The sound of her pet name, falling so easily from his lips, startles her and she feels her gills tingle with a longing that burns her insides. It is a name she never thought to hear again, because nobody knew it. Nobody _alive_. The fleeting glimpse of the man she once knew, slipping past on the wings of so many memories, has her shivering. But then her shoulders hunch like she's about to lunge at him, fists balled at her sides so hard she might draw blood as nails dig into the flesh of her palm.  
  
" _Shut. Up_. You don't get to talk about them in any way. These people rescued me from a heap of rubble you all but piled up yourself! They helped me to my feet when there was nothing I could offer in return and nobody around who knew who I was or cared about me. They sheltered me. Fed me, clothed me, gave me a weapon to defend myself and a place among them. I will never betray them, you hear me? I belong here."

Vexx snorts, seemingly unphased by her outburst, eyes studying her with disbelief as her motivation dawns on him.  
"The crew? Is that why you attacked me? Not to save yourself?"  
  
"It shouldn't surprise me _you_ don't get it. Doesn't matter. I would never let you harm them, do you understand? Over my dead body."  
At that, his shark toothed grin returns with a vengeance, gleaming below dead empty eyes.  
"That can be arranged."  
  
It’s her turn to laugh, low and utterly mirthless but there's just a tinge of worry in her chest and she wills it down, crossing arms over her chest.  
"Really? Then why didn't you? Why didn't you turn me in when you had the chance?"

At once, his face completely blanks, unblinking in the most unnerving way.   
"I told you, that wasn't my mission. You were _never_ my mission. _He_ didn't care how I did it. Only that it got done. And you're not on my hit list."  
" _Bullshit_. I think we both know why you didn't do it, Vexx. Now stop fucking around and tell me! Are we still being tailed? You know it's a matter of life and death. And you're in this mess as much as we, whether you like it or not."   
  
That insane smile stretches his mouth frighteningly and the silence that follows only serves to mock her.

"Answer me!"  
Setrah kicked at the heel of his boot with enough force to make it bounce to the side but before she could even register it happening, Vexx shot up to his feet with a speed that seemed unlikely for someone bound with hands behind his back. For a moment, he loomed over her and finally, she could no longer deny but perceive it; the thing she had been warned about. The _thing_ lurking behind his pupils, inhuman and unfeeling, had burst forth in plain view, staring her down. Heart thrumming in her chest, she backed away instinctively. Vexx took a step forward in advance but then halted abruptly, as if at the trigger of an internal failsafe. Swallowing around the lump that had formed in her throat, Setrah inched fingers closer to the hilt of the knife still strapped to her thigh. Catching her movements, Vexx tilted his head to the side, blinking like an inquisitive bird. Then his trademark grin when back in place like nothing happened.  
  
"Scared?"  
  
Seeing his vision clear, Setrah exhaled, the hand that hovered by her side, finally balled in a fist.  
"No, not of _you_."  
  
Vexx turns to stone with the barest twitch of his features, stare pinning her in place, deathly serious. His tone is not a threat, but a warning.  
"You _should_ be."  
"Answer me," she frowned. "And I'll leave you in peace."  
  
The corner of his lip quirks, voice laced with a kind of thrill when he says, “I don’t know.”  
Setrah scoffs, shaking her head.  
  
“You are a _terrible_ liar.”  
  
His brow rises, letting her words linger between them with an unspoken implication of how they got here. “Am I, _your Highness_?”   
  
The self-satisfied grin along the side of his mouth has her gritting her teeth.  
“Don't flatter yourself, I _know_ you. I know every little tell you got. Did you forget that I was raised on lies? They fed me pretence by the spoonful. I was instructed on how to put up a front, just as surely as I learnt to see through it. And I always knew that you held back, that you _kept_ something from me. But I _trusted_ you. I hoped there'd come a time I didn't need to ask because you'd tell me on your own. But _this_ , **what you did**? How could I anticipate it? How could you expect me to? I _knew_ you, I thought I _knew_ you." Setrah breaks down on the past tense but it's only a beat in time before she regards him, quietly, openly. "Just like you know _me_.”  
  
“ _I_ -“  
For the first time tonight, Vexx hesitates, hopelessness overtaking his features like wildfire. He shakes it off without warning.  
"You don't know me!", he bellows, bound fists slamming the wall behind him."Nobody knows me!"  
Setrah jumps at the sound but all anger and accusation die with his words. His eyes burn holes at the floor, like it might hold the answer to his existence.  
  
“ _I_ don’t-“.  
  
And just then, he crumbles like a stack of cards, doubling over with a pained groan and burying his head between his knees. It takes a second for Setrah to register it's happening, that this is _real_ and not some kind of trick. It takes another for her to close the distance and clutch his shoulder, shaking a little.  
"Vexx? Vexx, are you alright?”   
  
But his only response is the sound of heaving. A flame of anxiety shoots up her spine, head reeling with a barrage of unanswered questions. This... _thing_ , whatever it is that's messing with him; has it always been there? Has it always been inside him, slumbering, just waiting for an opportunity to come out? Was it done to him afterwards? Her thoughts raced to June, that night on Teranium when he stood in defence of her and Ryona, somehow... _altered_. The abject fear upon the faces of those hardened pit fighters as he stared them down. Every gruesome detail about the mines and labs of Orion; _his past_. The substance that was centrepiece to all this suffering, **Orionite**. An _enhancer,_ June had called it _._ Could it be the same thing? But how? And to what end?  
  
Setrah feels her hands shake, her whole body trembling as she kneels down next to him, taking a tentative hold of his head and lifting his face to take a look. Vexx is burning up under her fingerstips, a spike in his temperature that shouldn't be possible within just a few seconds and the frantic beat of his pulse is almost audible. He opens his eyes with difficulty and just enough to register her presence, confusion and panic passing through his bewildered gaze, "What-"  
  
"You're ill," she breathes out, concern naked upon her features and in her voice. Biting down on her sleeve, she tugs it into her palm, dabbing at the sheen of sweat coating his forehead. Vexx shifts in vain against the restraints, but gives up quickly. His head drops to her shoulder and Setrah shivers at the contact, his soft exhale hitting her neck has her gills flutter involuntarily. He weathers the episode mutely and all she can do for comfort is squeeze his shoulders. With effort, his lips seek out the shell of her ear in a hoarse whisper;  
"Water. Please."  
 _  
Shit_. Her eyes momentarily round with panic as Setrah fumbles with her combat belt, hand finally reaching for the canteen holstered there and uncorking it. There's still liquid sloshing inside and he perks up at the sound. She brings it to his lips and tilts it back, watching his throat bob as he drinks hungrily. And the thought hits her; _he's a prisoner. Her prisoner. This is wrong. All of this, it's wrong._  
Vexx takes a few ragged breaths before shooting back a question, quickly, as if he's afraid it will escape him.  
“Why do you care?”  
  
It's enough to make her stop and stare at him, swallowing thickly in a futile attempt to keep her voice even.  
“Is that a trick question?”   
“You shouldn’t,” he chokes out, almost inaudibly.   
The look of disbelief she gives him, must be answer enough.  
“I _shouldn’t_? It saved my life.”  
  
It feels like a surrendering when he leans into her touch, his expression so soft that Setrah almost recognises the man underneath. Her fingers tremble as she wipes his cheek but this time it's with the realisation she's holding him again, for the first time in months. She really did try everything, everything she could think of, to find him. And now, Vexx was here in front of her, close to her. This wasn't another dream. It wasn't a _nightmare_. She could hear him, _smell_ him and feel the feverish warmth of his body against hers.   
  
As if reading the thoughts right off her face, he asks “Do you still…”  
Setrah cracks with emotion, tears stinging her eyes but she shakes her head to chase them off.  
“No, you don’t get to ask me this. Not after everything. Not after what you did to Nerissa."  
  
The reminder of _why_ he's here, _why_ he's a prisoner comes crashing down on her all over again in a single wave, leaving behind the bitter aftertaste of a guilt that has started to grow familiar. The guilt of having loved him. The guilt of loving him still. She pushes through it vehemently.  
"Did you know about the attack? Did you know from the start, they were planning to execute us? Did you even _try_ to come back for me? Warn me? Or was that too much of an inconvenience to your plans? Where were you Vexx?"  
The hurt in his eyes turns to physical pain and he cries out once more, features scrunched in agony.   
"I don't-I don't know!"  
  
There must be something in the desperate way he admits it or perhaps in his struggle to voice it despite his writhing that makes her _believe_ him.  
" _Fuck_ this, it’s over. We should get Ryona in here, we should…" Setrah mumbles, unsheathing her knife once more to cut his restraints. Catching her intent, Vexx jolts away in panic.  
"No, **don’t**. Don’t _ever_ -", he warns, struggling to compose himself. "I’m fine, Seth, I promise. It's just a fever. Nothing to worry about."  
The words which are meant to reassure her, turn pleading as they leave his mouth. It gives her pause but only for a second before she reaches for his bound hands.   
"I said I'm fine!" Vexx snaps at her, the mask of fury so tightly wound on his features, it's staggering.  
A cold shiver runs down her spine at the sight. Setrah nods slowly, too stunned for a response, as she moves the weapon cautiously out of his reach. Shuffling back, she leans against a crate just as exhausted.


	3. Mock Turtle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a torment, both to go through emotionally and to piece together in writing but for some reason, I still felt compelled to squeeze it out of me. It took a good while, but I think I'm finally pleased with it. I poured my soul into that last chapter! :D  
> I wanted it to be a declaration of love but at the same time, stay true to the characters. Most importantly, stay respectful to their loss and grief, not ignoring the gravity and responsibility of what happened.  
> Hope you guys enjoy! Thanks for hanging on so long.

For a while they sat apart, legs splayed on the floor between them, staring at each other in silence, like two travellers who'd climbed up a steep mountain and now lay exhausted, too weak for words. There was a storm raging behind Vexx's eyes, as they bore into her own, not unlike the one that had been raining down upon them in Cursa. And yet his face remained stoic, chiselled in that placid expression he seemed to slip into at the snap of invisible fingers. Setrah studied his features, committing again to memory, details she had once known by heart. Now, it all seemed _alien_.  
  
In the back of her mind, old questions clawed for purchase. _Where had he gone? How could he simply disappear, like he had never been with her at all? Had something happened to him? Why did he abandon her?_ It had been a long time coming, the realisation that all along she had been asking the wrong thing.  
"You were right after all", her words rang harshly in the distance between them. "I **don't** know you. I _thought_ I did, but those were just the parts of you that slipped through and never intended to show."

Setrah sat up on her haunches, pinning him with a studying look. "So... _who are you?_ Who are you, _truly?_ Who were you before we ever met each other?"  
Vexx blinked and refocused, mouth twitching at the sides but no response came out.  
"What drove you to it?", she pressed, "Why did you join the K'Merii against my father? Did you really believe in a change for the better? Or did you just want to watch it all burn, so you could piss on it?" Her chin jutted out, motioning to him with disdain, " _Vexx_. Is that even your name? Your _real_ name I mean."  
  
His visage struggled against a fake composure, before finally heaving out, "I _don't_...I don't _remember_."  
  
She slumped down helplessly under the weight of defeat, letting her head fall back to the familiar chill of metal. Shutting her eyes did nothing to muffle his rapid, shallow breathing and she frowned, listening in to his suffering. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell her; he _couldn't_. And it was hard to decide which was worse. She had wasted so much time, wondering, hoping, that once she found Vexx, he'd have no choice but to give her answers. Only having to come to terms with the fact, that maybe he never had any to begin with.  
Did it matter in the end? The truth had come to her regardless, that what stood between them back then and now, more than ever, wasn't a lack of caring or a lack of love. It was complacency. It was his keeping secrets that either way spelled a death sentence. It was him, complicit to gruesome and unforgivable acts. Acts that killed _her mother_ and _her sister_ and _her siblings_. The fleeting thought, that whatever was eating him now, had delivered a form of punishment, the inevitable result of the choices that he made, held an empty comfort. But finding answers had only been a matter of time. She should have taken those and left a while ago.

Time _._ It felt like hours since she'd first stepped in here. Part of her wondered, how long until Bash would barge in here and tell her time was up. _Time._ How much did she still have left with Vexx? New questions rose with vengeance inside her head. Whatever was done to him, was it reversible? Was there any chance he would recover from it? Like a warning sign, he had been slipping in and out of himself, flickering to the sound of her voice narrating every memory. How long until the thing that was eating him up, consumed him entirely? How long before he could no longer fight it off? Were these the last moments with the man she had loved so deeply? Before he was gone, this time completely, in a way no distance could ever bridge? Was _this_ Vexx now or worse... _was he dying?_

  
Setrah felt her throat constrict at the thought, the very thought that should have given her comfort - the death of this _traitor_ that sped the ruin of her family. Yet all she could feel was horror and it filled her mind completely. With grief. With _loss_. His death wouldn't bring back anyone, wouldn't repair the damage or make anything like it was before. It would only take from her even more. Like so many times before, when plagued with uncertainty, her hands fumbled inside her pocket for the one thing that brought her comfort. It took a moment of sheer panic, frantically patting herself down before realisation dawned that had her chuckle sadly at herself. There was no music box, she no longer had it. There was no other choice really- no, that wasn't right. It _was_ a choice; A choice, to trade a past where she was dead and buried under the rubble, along with everything she might have loved or hated, for a future where she was alive and where she still had hope for better things. And Vexx was locked inside with her in that limbo, teetering with unsteady footing on the bring between past and future where she simply had no idea where to put him anymore. Friend, enemy, lover, traitor, _soulmate-_ the lines were irreparably meshed and she had no clue to disentangle them.  
  
"Are you okay? _Seth?_ "

It took her a second to focus on his bewildered face, suddenly aware. It took her another to realise the tears streaming down her cheeks. Funny, she didn't remember starting to cry but it was happening nonetheless.  
"Yeah, I...", she sniffled, brushing a sleeve over her eyes. "Do you remember my music box? The one Nerissa gave me?"  
His brow furrowed a fraction, "I remember."  
"I don't, I... wish I had it now. I wish I could wind it up for you to hear the tune." Her eyes shine with the possibility, but their light is dim. "Maybe it would help you recall."

The muscles in his jaw clench and he swallows hard, eyes screwing shut like steeling himself for the onslaught.  
"Then, sing it to me."  
Setrah laughed abruptly with her mouth full of tears but the slight crease of his brow as he once again focused, made her realise he had meant it. There was no mirth in his tone.  
"Shit, that's a bad idea. You know I suck at that." Despite the protest, she pursed her lips in humming. The soft, unmistakable tune of her childhood lullaby echoed strangely against the metal walls that confined them, warped by the low, continual buzzing of the ship.  
  
Vexx watched her intently, gaze latched upon hers like a lifeline. Was it the music? Was it her face? Was it her own tears she couldn't stop from trickling down? Setrah didn't know. Only that it impossible to turn away from him; she didn't _want_ to. Images of their time together played over the otherwise empty screen of his visage, moments that were loving and sweet, things that made her smile, now turned into a dagger that stabbed directly at her heart. Looking at him now, she is certain he will cry. They had grieved together before, enough for her to recognise the signs. But this time it was different, his shoulders hunched in distress, his throat bobbed as he kept swallowing a sob but nothing at all came out. Like a prisoner locked inside his own skin, his features stayed frozen in that stony expression. It caused the hum to die out meekly in her throat and finally, he let out a ragged breath, body slumping in exhaustion. Beads of sweat accumulated on his forehead, as if with great struggle, he'd managed to unlatch a shackle from his mind, by throwing himself at it, gnawing and clawing until he bloodied. And then his voice followed, like from within a deep well, barely above a whisper.

"You have nothing to worry about. You're safe. The C-D did the trick."  
  
The flood of relief brought a well of tears in her eyes. _It had not been in vain_ , a desperate voice screamed inside her head and shifted violently into a singular thought; _the others needed to know_. Until a creeping dread overtook her at the next second, a flame of anxiety shooting up her stomach.

"As far as you know," she gritted harshly. Vexx blinked back at her, dumbfounded.  
"We _still_ don't know what happened to you," she pointed out. " _You_ don't know what happened to you. Who says there's not a tracker pushed right into your skull? Who says they didn't plant you here, exactly where you needed to be? Wasn't _that_ your mission after all, _to kill us all_? Maybe you're just biding your time. Maybe whatever pulls your strings is waiting for an opportunity." Her voice dipped to a quiet warning, "Maybe when it happens, you won't be able to control it."  
  
Vexx pinned her with a stare that studied her angrily, a crease forming on his brow as he grasped for a retort but only hit the same inevitability. His head bowed in resignation. Unsteadily, Setrah picked herself up, wiping what tears hadn't dried off her face. It took a moment to find her footing and ground herself, before her eyes cut to the leather sheathe discarded upon the crate, that dark knife still holstered in it. Guilt churned within her at the sight of it and how _right_ it had felt to wield it against him. Her hand swiped it unceremoniously and it took too long to loop the straps around her thigh. It was only when the weight of it felt secure on her once more that she turned back to Vexx's sitting form.

"Listen if there's still a chance you'll consider helping us..." she sighed, steeling herself. "You should let Ryona take a look at you. She's skilled and kind...please, don't resist her. If there's a chance you'll recover..." Her voice betrayed her again but she swallowed down the pointless hope, "Maybe it will keep us all safe. Including you."  
  
"Setrah?"

The desperation in his voice stops her in her tracks, fingers hovering just short of the panel that would bring her one step further away. Even though her body was stiff in place, every bit of her senses was trained back to him like pinpricks, craving to hear his next words.

"I never told him about you... _Zovack_."

Slowly, her hand lowered to her side. The next few moments were spent in agony, fists clenching and unclenching with an effort to control herself. Until something inside of her gave way and collapsed, rattling her chest cavity like a cave-in. Setrah turned on her heel and rushed back, falling down on her knees to bury her face in the crook of his neck. This time she did nothing to stifle her crying, waves of tears flowing freely and staining the fabric of his shirt. Her grip on his shoulders shook him in time with the sobs that wracked her own frame but perhaps the trembling was all his own.  
  
The grief that had broken out like a rainstorm, was cut short when she felt him shift beneath her touch. A second of panic -the realisation of where she was and why she was here- snuffed out by the familiar weight of his head leaning on top of hers, as he had done countless times before. Just like the first step she took in here, a numbing calm washes over her. And for a while, all she wants to do is concentrate on each heavy breath she takes in time with his. Exhaustion catches up with her, weighing down her eyelids, to the point she thinks, she could fall asleep like this, even for a little while. Here, with Vexx, she’s _home;_ A home that no longer existed but still felt _here,_ perhaps only in her heart.  
  
His cheek brushing against her own makes her jostle, throat hitching as she feels him nuzzle her sidecut, inhaling her scent. Even so, the tone of his voice remains neutral, like having seen it for the first time, like realising what it meant.  
"You kept the hair."  
Setrah drew back, eyes flicking over his face in a desperate attempt to determine if he was still here with her. Caressing the side of his neck, her fingers found the scars of his gills by instinct. _Mine alone.  
_ "Of course I did, what the fuck did you think? That you’d disappear and I’d simply forget about you, like you never existed? That I’d pay no mind to your absence? That I’d forget all we’ve been through and dreamed of, what we promised each other? Did you think I wouldn't come find you?"  
  
With a pained groan, his head fell on her chest, a moment of mustering his strength enough to form words.   
"Before the attack was ordered, Zovack came back and asked me again. Said I was... _different_. Again, I told him nothing." _  
_  
There was no need to question what that meant, she already knew. _I never betrayed you. Us.  
_ Setrah pressed her forehead hard against his, clutching him closer, eyes screwed shut in an effort to withstand what was wracking her insides as surely as his own suffering. Biting back sobs, her gaze halted upon the scar that cut his brow, a wound that had healed wide open and never stitched or treated properly. It took all of three kisses to map its existence. Cradling his head within her palms, she gave him only one, at the crossroads in the middle, her lips trembling at the contact. S _till you and nobody else._

Vexx surrendered to her embrace, chest halting as he heaved each breath but still pushed through it regardless. Her throat felt hoarse, sticking like the sweat that clung to them.  
"I couldn't stop thinking about finding you," she told him, voice muffled against his neck. "Back then, I couldn't remember anything, it was...all just stumbling lost in the dark. And then I saw the red of your hair. That's all it took. Even in a stifling crowd, something in me recognised you. I had to follow."  
Drawing back, her eyes played upon his features, searching. "And then you asked how I remembered because of _you?_ Did you believe you meant so little to me, after everything that happened between us? _This_ , this whole thing- it isn’t you. What the fuck happened to you?”

His brow furrowed, gulping down with effort, "How do you know? That this isn't me?"  
  
Setrah gazed at him, grasping hold of his arms a little tighter.  
"It's just...", she started, at a loss for words. Battling with how to even begin explaining something like this, something that felt as inherent as breathing. How to put it into words and make it tangible? Then, she swallowed hard and fixed him steadily.  
"It's the way you look at me. Right now, this very moment. You look at me like I'm the only thing you'll ever need to look at. It's in the things that you do. If you were truly K'Merii and loyal to Zovack, you would have captured me back in Teranium and handed me over. Instead you told me to flee. Abandon the crew because you hunted them. Start fresh, forget who I was and never go back. Today? You saw me through the scope, didn't you? Isn't that how you knew to come for me? You could have killed me on the spot but instead you went out of your way to help me. Even now, despite everything, you still... _protect_ me."

"When you're in your head...how do you know?", Vexx struggled, words bursting out like they would escape him. "How do you know...what's doubt. What is lie, what is truth. How can you tell, if it was planted there and what of it remains that is... _you_."  
  
She let go of him, frowning as memories skimmed behind her eyelids and when she stared back, it was with accusation.

"It's easy to call a lie, when somebody tells you a story about yourself that you know isn't true. I wanted out, you must have realised that. I would escape at every opportunity, even if I didn't know _what_ that meant back then. And when you came along, you gave me _hope_. That I wasn't alone. That there was someone else out there just like me, looking for the same thing. A place outside that gilded cage where we could be _free_. Where we could be ourselves and make our own rules."   
  
A bitter huff escapes his throat, not quite enough to mask the hurt inside his eyes but his gaze doesn't meet hers.  
"There is no such...place. It was just a dream."  
  
The loss that wreathes her insides makes her nauseous and she has to shoot to her feet just to keep away from it. Gulping down the bile that rises to her throat, her hands clench to fists at her sides and she pins him with a stare, determined.   
  
"You're wrong. That dream is real. I will take _myself_ there. And if you never really believed it, there's nothing left in here for me to mourn. You wouldn't be the man that I loved."

Vexx snaps back to her but his visage has already gone blank, emptied of all emotion and there's something in her that can no longer bear to witness. So she turns away from him, pauses before the panel one last time but doesn't look back over her shoulder.  
"From all the faces you've shown me, I prefer you angry. At least then, you still had the will to fight."  
  
Willing her body forward, she presses through the threshold with finality, leaving him burning a hole at the spot she occupied. But just before the door slides in place behind her, she can hear it. A low humming from deep within his chest, unmistakeable, even as the rumble of the engines grows louder; the tune she knows like her own name.


End file.
